so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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