i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
