Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
