I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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