Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize