theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize