Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
