I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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