I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
