do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
