I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
