I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
