Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
