i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
