i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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