I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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