Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
