Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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