I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
