You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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