i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
