stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
