I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
