Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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