it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
