Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
