this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
