People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
