Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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