I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
