i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
