uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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