Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
