Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He? As in you personified your dick?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
