the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize