I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
