you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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