Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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