I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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