Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
