I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
