found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
