She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
3pm strippers are depressing
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
