so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
