Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
