Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
