DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
