apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
