i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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