This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so that wasnt chicken after all
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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