i love accidental penises.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize