I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
