she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
