Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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