This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
