before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
