There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
