Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
