even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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