Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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