I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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