He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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