Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
