Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
