So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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