Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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