Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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