i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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