everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize