I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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