Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
ok first of all what the fuck
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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