oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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