Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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