Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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