I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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