I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
