I swear god or herbie drove my car home
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
