So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
