I wish I only lived at night.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
