R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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